Barbies

I was 3 when I got them-
A gift from my uncle.
The whole set, wow....
Unheard of generosity.
I remember playing with them for hours.

You in the background...
Telling him he shouldn't have
Really, he shouldn't have...
I wasn't worth it.

Later I got others-
After saving my allowance
Fifty cents at a time.
Tutti, Buffy, Suntan Barbie and Ken.
Time alone to play and dream. Blessed quiet.

You took them one day
And bent their legs sideways
Breaking the tiny wires.
"Here's what rickets look like.
You'll get that too if you don't eat right."

And still for some reason I have saved them.
All the dresses, the shoes, the mini toaster and toasts.
The pieces of imagination and creative escape.
Bent legs, messed up hair,
Ears green from sticking straight pins into the lobes.

Why can't I let them go?
There is pain when I see them.
Pain from You-
Ouch. I still feel it....ouch, ouch, ouch.

But there is a little girl with blonde short hair
Who sat on a front porch
Using toothpaste caps for Barbie cups.
Wondering what life could be.

Where is she?
Will she be all right
If I put these in a box
And let the truck take them away tomorrow??


Copyright 2010 Mary Skeen-all rights reserved

Big Kitty

About 4 years ago on the Saturday after Thanksgiving, I looked outside and saw a big, gorgeous Maine Coon cat had knocked down my trash cans and had pulled out the turkey carcass for his dinner. I went outside to see if he was friendly and if I could help him. He ran from me. I put food and water out and he came back to eat. He was ravenous. Poor guy. We called him Big Kitty because of his size.

I saw him sporadically for the next few weeks, and tried to lure him near so that I could take him to a vet or to a shelter for help. He had obviously been outside for awhile and would not get anywhere near me. I called 7 different cat organizations in Baltimore to see what to do, and to get help for this gorgeous,homeless guy. Because he was on the scraggly side, perhaps with some skin issues, and was not what they deemed as "friendly" or "adoptable", they told me there was nothing they could/would do to help me. I even went so far as to tell them I would keep him, but no...The best offer I got was the lend of a trap to catch him myself. I was told I would need to bait the trap a certain way, and that I would need long leather gloves to handle it once he was caught in the trap. (Um...have you ever heard a feral cat who is screaming in a trap? I have. It is one of the worst sounds imaginable.) I told them about the raccoons and foxes in our neighborhood, and how I did not want to trap one of those instead. Again, no help. Oh, and I was told that Big Kitty could be injured by the door slamming down on the trap. His tail could be amputated by it, or his back or other body parts could be hurt. I was told that all vet expenses would be mine, and if I trapped a wild animal-again my problem. In short...no help.

Because I feared trapping a wild animal in the trap, I chose the path of interacting with him on the rare occasions that I saw him, once getting to actually pet his head. In my dreams I had hoped to one day reach down and just pick him up and take him somewhere for help. No dice. He lashed out at me a couple times, scratching and trying to bite, and that scared me enough not to want to get too close.

To this day, I look out for him. I feed him if I see him and he is hungry. I keep trying to get help for him. I have asked help from 12 different organizations-some of which I have given money to for years; one I have volunteered for. No help. Even more requests to the county and to people who work with ferals--no help. I feel awful for him.

This month two blizzards dumped about 45" of snow on us. I haven't seen Big Kitty for weeks. I wonder where he is and whether he is alive. He has been gone for months at a time before this, and has returned-nearly starving, but alive. I have set up shelter for him in our garage and on our side porch. He has chosen not to use it. This guy has his pride.

I wonder what kind of pig person had him for a kitten and just let him loose to fend for himself? I think I know who it is, but have no evidence, so once again can do nothing. I pray that one day I will be able to help him more than I have been able to. It saddens me that his life has been so hard. He is just a few steps away from help, warmth, and loving arms, but he will not step close enough.

May God bless you, Big Kitty. May God help me to help you. May He open up their hearts and hands to offer service to one of His own who needs it so very badly.

May God Bless You The Rest of the Way

I was just at the grocery store where I saw the most adorable baby boy. He was all wrapped up in his tiny blue snow suit, with a blue striped knitted hat. He was sound asleep in the cart-not a care in the world. I asked his dad how old he was. He told me that he was just 6 weeks old. I told him that the baby was beautiful, that I could hardly remember when my boys were that small, that now they were 20 and almost 17. I looked at him and said, "It goes by way too fast. Enjoy him." He looked at me and my youngest son and then said the nicest thing to me. He said, "It's been nice talking to you. May God bless you the rest of the way." I almost cried.

11 Days In...

Well, I am 11 days into the new year, and so far, I have met my new year's resolution goals. I have walked in and out of LYSes and have not bought anything. I have felt and admired, and I have walked away, thinking about all of the yarns that I have at home that are languishing. I have 3 pairs of socks on the needles and will finish those before starting more. Deep breath. One day at a time. The money saved will help to build a nest egg for Dan's college tuition.

The New Year has brought some answers about my health issues, thank goodness. I feel lucky to have such good health care. Hopefully, with a few medicine changes, and a lot of time, things will change for the better. Fingers crossed.

I have begun teaching beginning knitting classes, and I am enjoying it. The students are reminding me why I always loved teaching. There is nothing quite like the feeling of sending someone off with new skills that will enrich and enhance their lives. Another plus...no papers to grade! (Former English teacher remembering the hours of grading every night...)

I hope to continue to look at the positive and avoid the negative, and that includes the negative people in my life. They sap the life right out of me.

Just found out that my man, JT, is playing at Verizon Center in June. Tickets, perhaps?? I'll know in a few days. Hopefully, they will not be sold out in the first 5 minutes like the last time. I haven't seen him live for a few years now, and I definitely miss that. This sounds like a good one...the Troubador Concert with Carole King. Wow, that takes me back.

Here's to feeling better!

Best Gift

Last night my youngest son and I were looking at my Social Security end of year summary that came in the mail. He laughed at the amount of money I made when I was his age (17)-just a little over $400. Then he studied my salary through the years, my college days when I worked 4+ jobs, and my years as a teacher. Then there were 15+ years where there was no salary. He said, "What's that? Oh, those are the raising kid years..." I jokingly figured out the amount of money I could have made and told him what it might have been, and how it might have helped us along financially. He said, "But Mom, I am who I am because you stayed home with us. I would be a different person if you hadn't.I am so glad you did." Wow. That made it all worth it. The sacrifices, the lean times,the second-hand clothing and furniture, a house in desperate need of repairs....all pale in comparison to his statement. I really love my boys.

Mittens!

I have discovered that I love to knit mittens! I predict many pairs in my future this coming year. I think my next pair is gonna be Bella's Mittens. Then I want to make a bunch with sock yarn. The designs with the sock yarns will be fun and amazing.

I'd also love to:

-Make more socks!
-Learn more beaded knitting techniques
-Design some more knitting patterns
-Make a pair of gloves
-Make an attempt at lace knitting to see what all the buzz is about
-Learn more of Barbara Walker's stitch patterns by knitting more dishcloths

This year, I am going to make time for my knitting every day. It is a priority. It relaxes and calms me and it helps me to remember what good things can come from my hands.

Happy New Year! All the best in 2010!

New Year's Resolutions~Yeah, Right!?

I am trying to think of ways to improve my life, and my family's life this coming year. So, I have come up with a few things to try. Here goes. I wonder hw long into the new year I'll make it before I mess one up??

1. Work only from stash unless I do not have the means to complete a specific project that is a gift or a special request.

2. Curse less.

3. Yell less.

4. Spend less money on impulse buys.

5. Save enough money to pay for part of D's college next year.

6. Resist the temptation to get more kitties.

7. Exercise more.

8. Worry less.

9. Clear the clutter from this house.

10. Be more organized.

There you have it. Think I can live up to it? Any of it?? Time will tell. I'll keep you posted.

Happy New Year to all my friends and internet family...xoxo